Hey there, dear readers-
I know that most of you are probably very busy with holiday festivities and preparations.
And I don’t have anything terribly festive to say, but here is what I do want to tell you (and it’s what I tell myself too):
If your Christmas is tinged (or soaked) with sadness, brokenness, dysfunction, and heartbreak, it is ok to not feel super festive.
Also: I would venture to guess that more people feel like this than you think. A lot of people struggle with heartbreak at this time of year because an awful lot of us have lives that did not turn out the way we imagined they would.
Of course, it is possible to feel that sadness at any time of year.
But as I have said many times before, there is something about the holidays that presses extra hard on that sore spot in our hearts, and I think that’s why we feel the pain more acutely at such times.
I find it to be helpful to mentally normalize this, and I also feel some relief when I don’t expect myself to be the world’s biggest fan of Christmas (or really, any holiday. They all can be tough when it feels like your life has gone off the rails or you’ve experienced some kind of loss or change.)
So.
I’m just a little voice piping up in the crowd, telling you that I think it’s ok to be sad, and letting you know that you are not alone.
A small thing I will share with you, from a coach in my support group for Christian women who have divorced: she suggested briefly holding your hands open in front of you, and taking a deep breath.
The feelings that come up when you do this will vary from person to person, but one thought is that you are letting go of what you had, or what you wanted, and your open hands are ready to receive what is coming next.
I know this sounds kind of woo-woo, but perhaps if you try it, you will feel a little moment of peace and acceptance in your body and heart. And then maybe you can find a small bit of joy in the Christmas that is your present reality.
With as much love as can be sent through a keyboard: I wish you a peaceful Christmas.
Tina
Thursday 18th of January 2024
Thank you for the encouragement. It was my first Christmas without both my parents. My Dad gone in 2009 and my Mom just last January 9th, (2023). I also lost a brand new Son-in-law and close Aunt by September.
Kristen
Thursday 18th of January 2024
Aww, that's a lot of loss to deal with. Sending you love!
Kris
Friday 29th of December 2023
This post really hit close to home for me. I shared it with my son's step-mother. It's convoluted: I did not marry my son's dad. My son's dad married a very lovely woman 27 years ago who is the best step-mother and one of the kindest human beings on the planet. My son's dad is divorcing his wife and she doesn't want it and she's devastated. I shared your post with her on Christmas Eve so that she would know she is not alone. She thanked me for sharing it - so I am thanking you for your very compassionate and caring post.
Kristina
Wednesday 27th of December 2023
Thank you. Peaceful time is welcome in my life. Maybe the holidays get overloaded with expectations and ideals, and we are sad when the actually fall short. I have enjoyed a very quiet time, including several naps and a lot of OTC cold remedies, relieved to not be frantically busy. Sleep is a gift! But I have had some sad holidays too. Wishing all of you a happy and prosperous new year, full of frugal joys!
Paula Holloway
Wednesday 27th of December 2023
I am 72 years old and have used this "open my hands to receive God's blessings for years." Now when one of my family is going through a difficult time we ask...are your hands open? We all have difficult times..it's part of our journey here. You are well on your way to becoming the best you can be....
Plaidkaren
Tuesday 26th of December 2023
Hugs