“These are a few of habits that can form from unhealed childhood trauma,” says Foxwell. “They can impact your effectiveness, and peace. These become the cycles you keep repeating in your life. They impact your ability to live your full potential, be the best leader, impact people positively around you!”
I had a chance to interview her to learn more.
How can childhood trauma affect adult decisions and habits?
Childhood Trauma becomes the lens through which we interpret our life. What we value, What we need to do to survive, the stories we tell ourselves, and how we choose to live. We don't always realize the survival hardwired coping behaviors and addictions in our lives. Behaviors and addictions are meant to protect us (Or help us avoid addressing the challenges), yet sometimes we never learn how to unwire this, and for some, the hardwiring creates distance, loneliness, extreme independence, fear of others, and lack of trust in circumstances. Using my life as an example, I grew up in a seemingly beautiful home. My parents did the best with what they had. My dad, however, lost his father at the age of 9. His family were thrown into extreme poverty and lived off very little food. There was huge rejection from his family and those who could have supported them. My dad lived in a shadow of not being good enough. This impacted his life, how he lived and how he worked. He was a pastor, served the community wholeheartedly, and loved God intensely. He struggled with his worthiness and so worked relentlessly in the community. He never rested, was passionate about people, and served without boundaries. He did this to feel worthy and worthwhile. That in itself impacted our life and my inability to have boundaries. I did the same, trading my worthiness for my work outcomes. My trauma was related to being sexually abused by a family member at age 5. I just wanted to be loved, which impacted my decisions and my ability to recognise that I could live without the intense fear of being good enough.
We need to consider that we have an imperfect life and that we all carry stories from our childhood that impact our ability to see our life as a gift and live in a space where we can thrive and not simply survive. The intensity of survival never allows us to fully embrace the good parts of who we are. Some coping behaviors can be the inability to say no, not using our voice, using our voice in fear, needing power over others to feel safe, The intense need to please others in other to feel worthy, Perfection and the need to get everything right. The inability to not connect with emotions because they feel unsafe, the fear of not having enough to make sure we work relentlessly... These are a few of the challenges we experience.
In my book, The Glass Angel, I share how I needed to identify and work through my childhood trauma that impacted my ability to love deeply, stop co-dependence and start having a relationship with ME!
Why is it important to look at life as a gift?
Looking at my life as a gift allows me to STOP seeing shame and START seeing love and opportunity. Before I realized the importance of this, I was so ashamed of parts of my life. I had dirty little secrets that kept me paralysed and fearful of myself! When I started navigating my life as a gift and sowing love, forgiveness and acceptance on my story, I found freedom and the opportunity to be seen, love me and stop hiding or hurting.
How can we learn to live more genuinely, even with past childhood trauma?
Healing from childhood trauma is a journey and when we start seeing a difference is where we start being comfortable tin showing up for our lives. We can be who we are without the fear of BEING who we need to be to be accepted. you see Childhood trauma means we are always trying to live a life of what others expect and we miss the opportunity to actually LIVE our life and be present, loving ourselves and having joy.
How can we break cycles that childhood trauma can leave?
Yes, we can by rewiring our thinking. Our brain is a muscle; after all, we can rewire the neural pathways and shift our pathways from the survival brain to the frontal cortex, where wisdom lives. Does this mean we never get triggered by our childhood trauma? No, it simply means we recognize the trigger and choose to shift into a peaceful, accepting space. A place where we are peaceful, find and loving toward ourselves! A place where we check our reality and don't get stuck in fear. I have done it, I have seen the healing in others, and I believe it starts with seeing the trauma for what it is, in the past, and accepting that we are safe and that we are free. Forgiving so that we don't harbor bitterness. Sharing our shame in a safe place so that we don't have a secret and find freedom in finding ourselves.
ABOUT CHRSTINA E. FOXWELL
Christina E. Foxwell is the founder of Ignite Purpose where, over the past decade, she has supported leaders in their navigation of their teams and helped people find their purpose and flow. This has led to her supporting them in their own life-changing journeys to follow their passions, transform their lives, and grow into the people they were always meant to be. The modalities she uses in her work are: CBT, ACT, Mental Fitness, Performance Science, Behavioral Profiling, and Positive Intelligence.
With over 20 years of experience in HR, recruitment, consulting, training, coaching and executive leadership, Foxwell he has been on two global executive teams, and led a sales consulting team in Africa, Australia and New Zealand. Now, after realizing there was a missed opportunity in people and organizations, and the gap between people and performance, she coaches executive teams, CEOs, leaders and their team to develop their growth and impact their cultures and performance.
Foxwell is the author of four books. Her latest book, The Glass Angel, is a powerful look into transformation change and perseverance.
Connect with Christina E. Foxwell:
Official Site: www.ignitepurpose.com.au
Goodreads
Books available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble
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