Over 28 million Americans have an eating disorder. This makes everyday life challenging for both them and family members. It is predicted that by 2030 the number of Americans with an eating disorder will be over 55 million. Why is this number increasing? How can you cope with an eating disorder? I had a chance to interview Melissa Kelley and Alayna Burke, authors of Full: Overcoming Our Eating Disorders to Fully Live.
Tell us about your book?
We wrote FULL to inspire hope in those struggling with eating disorders and those who love them. In the book, you’ll find a multigenerational perspective on the underlying issues that fed into our eating disorders.
What led you both to decide to co-write it?
Alayna had a vision to write a book that might help other teenage girls struggling with body image or eating disorders, but she was only 18 at the time. Naturally, she was intimidated by the idea of writing a book, and decided it was something she’d do “someday.” One night at dinner with her parents, she told them about her “someday” dream. The next thing she knew, her dad was dialing Melissa’s number. Melissa met Alayna’s parents in high school, and they’ve remained good friends ever since. They knew Melissa had also struggled with eating disorders and that she was a fabulous writer. In fact, she had started and stopped her own memoir of the experience multiple times. We connected and immediately knew this project would be manageable if we did it together. From that point on, we were all-in.
What were the challenges in writing it?
Our first challenge was figuring out how to start. Fortunately, Alayna has an uncle who wrote a book, so she reached out to him right away for some direction. Uncle Mike connected us with a publisher who guided us at the beginning of our writing journey.
As always, life got in the way during the 2 years we spent writing FULL. Alayna graduated high school and moved away to college, all the while working on the book. It was hard to keep a steady writing schedule with all of the growing up she was trying to do. One of Melissa’s daughters had a life-threatening medical emergency that required a long hospitalization and persistent follow-up. It turned out to be a difficult year to take on a big project but that was the beauty of being co-authors. We tag-teamed and supported one another through the entire process.
A big challenge for Alayna was leaning into vulnerability, and letting go of the fear of judgment. As a teenager, it’s hard to be confident enough to share such personal stories. She had to keep her “why” in mind every time she sat down to write in order to let go of the fear. She had to think about the other girls and women this book might inspire.
Melissa’s challenges were more with scheduling time to write. She has a full time job and there was a lot of time and heartache involved in supporting her daughter through her illness. Writing the book became a refuge and Alayna’s positivity carried many a day!
What do you hope readers walk away with?
Alayna: Above all, I want readers to know they’re not alone. I want to fill in a gap I noticed when I was struggling. The gap was that I couldn’t find any books, podcasts, or stories from a teenager’s perspective. I want readers, especially young girls, to know that they can fully recover while they’re still young.
Melissa: My hope is that women struggling with eating disorders see themselves in the pain and the resilience reflected in our stories. Connectedness heals. Community heals. I want the young girls to know that as sick as I was in those early years, I have gone on to be a mother, a successful career woman, and an avid learner of the many ways people “do life.” There is hope. I also hope that the caregivers and loved ones of people struggling with eating disorders walk away with a better understanding of the thought patterns that underlie the struggle.
What are things people misunderstand about eating disorders?
Alayna: One thing I constantly hear is that people with eating disorders are “skinny.” While many people with eating disorders are malnourished and emaciated, there is no “look,” and oftentimes it goes unnoticed.
Melissa: People tend to believe that eating disorders are about loss of control over food and dieting. Eating disorders are a maladaptive approach to handling the difficulties of growing up and managing life as an adult.
Why do you believe there is an increase in the prevalence of eating disorders?
Alayna: I’m not sure what the cause is, but growing up in the digital age probably has a large impact on the increase in prevalence. I grew up with access to Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, and YouTube, where I could compare myself to other people all day. My reality was distorted by the images I’d see online of girls who had perfect abs and went on exotic vacations.
I also think we’re overstimulated in general. “Hustle culture” is praised. We say, “Wow, you’re so disciplined!” to the girl who loses sleep to wake up and exercise until she’s about to pass out. Multitasking is a no-brainer when we have emails to respond to, classes to attend, and calls to be made. So, I think our culture feeds the anxious and perfectionistic tendencies that are common with eating disorder patients.
Melissa: With access to information from across the globe at our fingertips, perpetually available in a nanosecond, we are acutely aware of many reasons to be upset and fearful. There is an onslaught of disturbing visuals, unkind exchanges, and predictions of pending disasters–warranted or not. Add that to the typical stressors of puberty, transitioning to adulthood, and “adulting,” it is not surprising to me that there is an increase in people falling into maladaptive coping skills. Diet culture, at its core, has not improved since the 1980s. It’s just taken on a different, more pervasive form. This is a perfect storm for people prone to eating disorders.
What are some signs that someone might have an eating disorder?
Alayna: Every eating disorder looks different, but there are common signs we experienced and continue to see. Signs my family and friends noticed me doing were overexercising, skipping meals, obsessing over cooking and diets, social isolation, wearing baggy clothes to hide my body, and always being cold.
Melissa: Eating disorders can be a response to trauma so I would pay close attention after an upsetting life event. Keep in mind that trauma is subjective and doesn’t always appear in the form of a major catastrophe.
How can families find help for kids with eating disorders?
The pediatrician or family physician is a good place to start. There are many approaches to treatment and it can be overwhelming to do an online search. Additionally, the child may be more open with a medical provider with whom they are familiar.
How can adults support loved ones that are struggling with an eating disorder?
Alayna: The most helpful thing my family and friends did was to remind me what my life looked like without an eating disorder. Loved ones shouldn’t become anything more than what they are, meaning they aren’t there to provide medical advice or therapy. That’s for the therapist and dietitian to provide. I felt the most supported when loved ones checked in on me regularly, and made efforts to get me to do the things I loved doing.
Melissa: Learn about diet culture and avoid reinforcing its messages. This includes not talking about your own weight or distaste for your own body. Listen to your child. I know it’s terrifying to witness your child struggling with this illness that seems to defy logic, but try not to let this manifest in anger. Find a support group or online forum for parents. You will feel less alone and it can be a safe outlet for your emotions.
No comments:
Post a Comment